sometimes you just have a down day

and that is me today.  i feel "out of the loop" with many people in my life.  and i know and hope its just because we are all busy, but as I sit here tonight I couldn't help but feel a tad bit lonely.  I know its just a phase b/c i could not be like this all the time, id go insane, ha ha.  but for me i'm usually up beat and happy go lucky, but sometimes i have a down day.  it did not help that my g-lo had a rough day today and tested every ounce of my patience today.  i know we are still adjusting to wayne being gone, but hmm do we ever really adjust?  ok now i'm on a tangent.

this is our 5th deployment.  yes that's right #5.  and when people hear that they look at me like i'm crazy.  maybe i am?  but it's ok.  it works for me.  at the start of this deployment it felt different.  not like the others.  its hard to explain but i'll do my best.  in the past there was lots of anxiety and last min planning and emotions.  but for some reason that was not here.  maybe because a week before he left our world was turned upside down by some "friends" but i'll save that for another night...  anywho.  D day came and went and i barely batted an eye.  Then a week into our deployment we had our first incident.  it was one of the worst days of my life this far.  and it about knocked me on my ass.  but i've picked myself up and carried on trying ot be strong for my spouses in the troop and my kids.  but now that things have "calmed" down on my end, i cannot help but wonder, how do we do this?  over and over and over?  man we are amazing people.  i used to get asked, "does it get easier"  and at first i said no.  but you know what, it does.  you learn and grown and understand yourself and your spouse more over the years and over time you can become "numb" to the drama of deployments.  but when that happens i suggest you get yourself a "first timer" friend and REMEMBER how hard it was.  it really puts you on the spot.  remembering how your heart hurt everyday you were away from your soldier.  before you were busy with all your "time filling" commitments when it was just YOU and YOUR SOLDIER.  When you were a newlywed fresh out of school moved to a new place with no friends feeling.  I just love this life so much, and love all the people i've met in this wonderful crazy world.  but wow I've really rambled on tonight... thanks for getting this far if you have.  I will wrap it up with this....
We are a rare breed of human, strong, loving, and just plain amazing.  embrace it and embrace each other.

HOOAH!