"Get up you sonofabitch, because Mickey loves ya!"

Today's post is about resilience.  A topic near and dear to my heart.  My family has been through a lot, more than I think others realize.  But here we stand.  In my depths of despair and misery I could have given up and let go, but I chose to keep going with my head held high.  It was not easy and I could not have done it without the help of many people surrounding us with love and support.  And for that I am thankful.  Thankful that we have this extra family around.  The Army Family.  Family that I have experienced great loss and great joy with.  How can you be so thankful to this family and yet hate it so much at the same time?  Ok I don't hate my Army family, I just hate the Army right now.  I never thought those words would come out of my mouth, But I do. I hate it.  Since moving to Fort Campbell I have seen a decline in Soldier support and care.  Most of the leaders are more concerned about looking the part then actually taking the time to care for their soldiers.  And that disgusts me.  In my silly warped civilian mind I assumed that leaders are to look out for and care for their subordinates?  Well guess what?  I haven't seen that happen in about 4 years and it's sad.  Now don't get me wrong, there are some great leaders out there and that have crossed our paths, but the majority will smile at your face had hug you while they stick a knife right in your back.  Disgusting!!! Why? Why is this happening?  Is it jealousy?  Is it because you need to feel superior?  I have no idea but it's sad.  I believe in Karma, and if you have an ugly heart ugly things will catch up to you.  In the same instance if you continue to do good, good things will come. So that is why I am not worried about me or my family.  We are good, we have good hearts.  Yes we may struggle but eventually we will be ok.  and that my friends is resilience.  pushing through, knowing and believing the outcome will be victorious.  I just hope others in our situation have the same outlook, yes you've been beaten down, yes you may be at the edge of a cliff or your back to a wall, but keep your head up and know that things will work out and be fine.
My husband got called into the Garrison Commanders office and notified he will be going through the QMP board in February.  All because of 1 piece of paper.  one. Nevermind the past 15 years and the many soldiers hes mentored and helped because he cares for his Soldiers.  Always has.  But unfortunately for him he is not a "yes" man and that ruffled some feathers.  Sad. So by this time next year we could be out of the Army and trying our hand in the civilian world, or we will still be here in Germany trying to move on from this event.  Either way we will be ok.  So onward we push with the future unclear.  But we move towards it united as a family.    

my heart and soul

today my husband wrote me a post on facebook that is the most amazing thing I have ever read.  Many of you wonder what its like to love a Soldier.... here it is. 

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. I may miss the births of our children. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat and your tears and your heartache to keep together and try to take it back as I knew it before. I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need. I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I will have to get to know our children over and over again. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else. It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you. You may lose me long before you ever thought possible. I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off. I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again.

I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise that to our children. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial I will want to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. I will see the faces of our children in every life that I protect. And I will carry you with me in everything until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door.

#6, and I shall call you squishy.

So today starts day 1 of our 6th deployment.  And I plan on kicking this one in it's teeth!  We had a rough night with the kids, but that is to be expected.  These next 9 months are going to filled with fun, shenanigans and transformations.  I plan to get healthier and spend more time in me.  Something that has been put on the back burner for many years.  But you know I'm not getting any younger so it's time.  So here's to the journey we begin today!  Wish us luck and love and prayers.  Until next time my friends. 

Kidney Doc Appointment

I decided to do a blog post b/c it's to much info for a FB status... so deal with it!  :P

Kidney Doc update:  this visit was on the fence.  Good and Bad to report.  Good!  my blood pressure is low, almost to low, so I need to monitor it and if it does not come up a little bit or I keep getting light headed I need to cut one of my pills in half.  So yay for low Blood Pressure, only took almost 20 years to get it under control but now it's almost to low, ha!  I cannot win.  Also another good is my creatinine is 1.8, down from 1.9 3 months ago.  I'LL TAKE IT!  My GFR number is still 62, so that did not get any worse, yay!  Ok onto the bad.  My potassium was high, high enough to alarm my doctor.  He gave me the serious talk, as in I need to watch my intake and not let it get any higher.  Because if it gets to high the only way to fix it will be Dialysis.  DAMMIT he used the "D" word.    So I am armed with a sheet of paper with all foods high in potassium and the knowledge that I need to get this shit in check.  BLEH.  So there you have it.  I went into this appointment with hopes of not having to go back in a year, but alas I need a 6 month check b/c of the potassium levels.  But I'm optimistic it will all work out! 

Season's Change.

I really should be used to this by now, but here I am again, sitting here wishing things didn't have to change.  In this lifestyle change is inevitable and constant.  Some good, most are bad.  I sit here thinking its been a year since the guys came back from Afghanistan and HOT DAMN alot has changed.  I miss my friends that have moved on to different Army posts, I miss our camaraderie and long for that again.  I know it will happen eventually but there was something special about these group of ladies I shared my life, and I mean WHOLE LIFE, with for almost 2 years.  I hope we cross paths again but know you ladies will always have a special place in my heart.  (note there are many missing from this pic but its the only one I could find with almost all of us)

what the what?

I get it.  our country is broke.  but i find this UNACCEPABLE.  I was informed last night in a platoon that has around 20 Soldiers there are only about 12-15 weapons.  Seriously?  Are they supposed to share?  I know this oversight will be corrected but just the shear ridiculousness of it had me rolling my eyes.  They are Soldiers, they shoot bad guys.  How can they do that with no weapon?.... sigh. 

long over due.

its's been a minute since I've blogged,  oh well, life happens.  but I have my favorite music playlist going, I am halfway done with my chores so I'm taking a break. 

things are going great here!  we have moved to a new troop, and although my responsiblities have decreased drasticly I am surprisingly ok.  I guess my need to control everything is going down, kinda, wayne has a great platoon and that is #1.  Kids are doing great, Angelo is a reading beast!  And Ariana is improving every week with her reading, I am so proud of her as she has to work so much harder than others in her class, she doesn't let it get her down. 

We will enjoy this year as much as possible because as many of you know a whole year as a complete family is few and far between when you are a Military family. 

My favorite time of the year

I love the Fall!  the cooler weather, the windows open.  But this year I especially like Fall because Wayne is back home to enjoy it with us!  So that means cook outs, hiking trips and just good ole fashion family time.  He is still on his 30 day leave/vacation and doing great!  Kids love having him home all the time.  Although our grocery bill has more than doubled it's great having him here during the day!!  I believe we have reintegrated (army's term) as a family and it's business as usual here in the Scarpulla household. 

Next up will.be Halloween, I cannot wait to see what Wayne has cooked up for this year, after all this is his FAVORITE holiday. 

I am still keeping busy, although the FRG side of things have died down immensely I still have the Spouses club and I was just elected to the School Board for  Fort Campbell Schools.  So don't worry about me I will always have something to do :) 

Athena Lala Scarpulla 4-14-00 to 8-30-11

She was 11 years old in april and had one hell of a life.  the most spoiled dog i know and she was my savior and protector during all 5 deployments, countless field problems and a million late nights. 

Wayne bought me Athena from Kellers flea market outside of Fort Stewart, GA. 2 months before we got married. She was my baby.  Saturday night we came home to a large pile of dog vomit, with 2 dogs it's hard to tell which one did it.  But after watching the dogs it was clear Athena was not feeling well.  She spent all day sunday laying around.  Monday, yesterday, she was back to her normal self.  This morning (tuesday) she woke me up at 530am, I knew something was not right.  She was just standing there panting to death.  I brought her outside and she went, then we went back to sleep.  While getting the kids ready for school I could see she was not comfortable.  So I checked her out, no pain to touch but her tongue and gums were white (HUGE RED FLAG) called and got her an apt with vet off post right away.  Her lungs were clear but they wanted to do xray and blood work.  When the vet came in and put up the xray I could see it.  Her heart.  It was HUGE.  And I knew right away what that ment.  it was stretched beyond abnormal and it was only a matter of time, the vet said days, if that.  She would basically suffocate.  She also had a stroke, and was disoriented. So I had to make the worst decision I never wanted to make and ease her pain.  I went with my friend, and Wayne came as soon as he could and we said our goodbyes and she slipped to sleep with her head in my lap. 
Wayne was able to be here when the kids got home and told them what had happened.  They are doing ok.  Ariana is more upset than Angelo.  But that was to be expected.  Wayne said I can go out and get another dog now, but I cannot even think about that right now.  I probably won't be ready for a long time.  But that's ok.  I know Athena is still with me in my heart and she is having a blast up in heaven with all our relatives.  I will miss her everyday.

Summer summer tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime...

that was my best fresh price impression.

summer has begun!  and we are off on vacation!!!  The kids and I are staying in Virginia beach for a month!  And I am going to enjoy every second of it!   Saturday my baby sister is getting married!  I am so excited for her!  All the preparations are almost complete and i know her special day will be amazing!  We are all in the wedding party, I am a matron of honor, Ariana is a Junior bridesmaid and Angelo will be the ring bearer.  We are gonna look amazing!  Only thing missing is my darling husband.  SOON he will be home with us!

I have some Angelo-isms for your guys...  some of you may know my Grandma K passed on may 17th.  We went to iowa to say good bye to her, but I left the kids home with my Battle Buddy Ethel.  On one of my phone calls home Angelo was talking to me and asked when I was coming home.  I told him it would be a couple more days, he was quiet for a min.  and then asked... "aren't you done digging yet?"  wow.  what it must be like to be in his brain?  ha ha!!!!!!  I love that kid! 

Kids. germs. and GOO

tonight while I was waiting for Angelo to wash his body with "man soap" (axe body wash, oye) he informed me "momma know why I'm taking so long?  I have lots of germs on me, from peoples houses, outside, school, EVERYWHERE"  awesome dude, thanks for sharing and washing those germs, Ha ha ha.

after kids are in bed I come downstairs to see Stetson (brown dog) with "goo" dripping from his jaw... WTH??? then i see it.  Ariana made "slime" for girl scouts tonight and the bag was not closed all the way and had leaked all over the end table, dog bed and carpet.  whatever it was made with Stetson sure enjoyed it.  UGH.  So it's not all the way firm so it's half liquid half rubber.  I was trying to figure out how to get this out of my carpet, and praising the housing gods that I didn't actually have a carpeted house, just a huge area rug (whew) I decided I needed something "rakey" so I get a butter knife can scraped the shit out of the carpet, WALA!  It came up, kinda... I will have to do some more raking after it sets more.... time for a BEER!

Hurt.

its funny how feelings sneak up on you.  I guess when you don't deal with them they do that huh?  7 years ago we lost an amazing guy. He was my brother's best friend and my "boy next door".  He took his own life and I guess in a way I am STILL angry.  Life is so precious and I try to live it to the fullest each day.  I am thankful that he left the world a gift, he gorgeous daughter.  I have really enjoyed watching her grow into a young lady.  And I know he is watching over her everyday.  I know and pray that God is watching over his family today and helping to ease their pain.  Forever In our Hearts Chris "pinkie"

Honoring our Fallen

Something that being in our lifestyle we do way to often.  Some of you may know that my Troop lost 6 amazing Soldiers right after Thanksgiving.  It was a day I care not to relive ever again.  I had my grief time but then I had to pick myself up and be strong for the other spouses in the troop.  There were lots of questions and lots of grief that we all had to get through.  When Wayne came home for R&R last month we talked about that day.  And I again broke down, the wounds and emotions still so fresh.  And I think it really opened his eyes.  He didn't have a clue how a loss effected the home front. It is for lack of a better word, life changing.  The what-ifs are endless.  Yesterday we honored 5 of the 6 lost that November morning.  It was a wonderful, sad, emotional day.  I was in awe of the family members that came to represent their Soldier.  We had over 60 family members attend.  And I am honored to have been able to sit and chat with them.  I pray daily for them and the Soldiers still gone and wish we will NEVER have to do this again.  But even me, the optimistic gal that I am, know that is not an option.  So for now we will put on our smiles and drive forward and live and survive because that is what Army Wives do best.  HOOAH!

2 for tuesday

the plaque of 2011 has swept through my house.  I hope I never see it again.  Luckily it started after my DH left from R&R, oh that's right he was home for the Holidays!  HOORAY!  it was a great surprise for the kiddos!!  He came in Christmas Day and was able to stay for 14 + days due to the weather!  JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED!  But he has since left and we are here tryign to get back to "our normal"  which means meetings for me, and playdates for the kids.



now we are down another month in our year long deployment!  So that is great news!!!  February is a month filled with parties!  Our Squadron will celebrate it's "half-way" through the deployment!!  We are gonna party hardy!  I also get the honor to meet Former President George W. Bush tomorrow!  I am super excited!!!!!!  I hope to have pictures to share!  REPUBLICANS UNITE!

Today is a Good day!

And after the past 2 week's I 've endured I needed one!  I had my bi-annual (is that right?) Kidney Doc Appointment, things are going great!  But anytime I go see him and they don't use the word transplant is a good visit for me, LOL but this was even better because my Doc downgraded my Renal Disease from Stage 3 (booo) to Stage 2 (yaya!!!!)  Very excited about that, and my labs look fantastic.  But why wouldn't they?  I'm sure I have the most fabulous blood of anyone around?  RIGHT???  So ya  for me and my "hanging in there" Kidney's. 

Now onto some somber stuff, as many of you may know my Squadron 1-61 CAV lost 6 amazing Soldiers on November 29th.  It was a hard smack in the face and seeing and hearing what these surviving families are going through just breaks my heart.  But it also lifts me up so see how us as Spouses can come together to provide support.  And to see how "big Army" as well and the Currahee (that is 4 brigade combat team) come together to take on the task of taking care of everyone.  There was a great article in our Post news paper today in regards to how our AMAZING Rear D is handling these tasks LINK

What are YOU Thankful for?

• chocolate
• pepsi
• great amazing friends
• my rotten, patience trying, loving, snuggling kiddos
• phone calls from far away places
• supportive leadership
• facebook
• christmas music
• musicals
• kareoke
• beer pong

there are many more things to be Thankful for but these are just a small amount of items that I can think of.  I hope after the busy day of preparing a feast and then a day of crazy shopping we all take time out to think, I mean REALLY think about what we are thankful for.  Wayne and I were interviewed earlier this week about spending the Holiday's apart.  And I am Thankful that he is in the Army, allowing us to live this proud life that not to many people will ever get to experience.  Our sacrifice is also a blessing.  In what other lifestyle would you be able to travel around and meet people from all walks of life.  And the pride and patriotism swelling in our hearts is unimaginable.  In closing I'd like to THANK all of you that have come into my life.  

Rusty Old Poket Knife...

do you ever get that "not so fresh feeling"  ha ha nah just kidding!  This is one of my favorite times of the year!  I love the leaves changing color and the cool, crisp air rolling in.  I have said many times how much I love my house and my neighborhood I live in.  The tress all around and my awesome back porch where I often sit and just think.  We are almost 3 months into our deployment and I think we are doing well.  It was a rocky start but we are finally setting into a routine and doing well.  I was sad and happy to have Football and Cheer leading end but I  love not having to rush off to practice and think of a quick dinner for the kids.  We have been spending lots of time outside playing with neighbors, there is nothing I like more than hearing the kiddos running around and playing.  It makes me think back to when I was a kid and would run the neighborhood playing games and climbing trees.  If I tried to climb a tree now I would probably get stuck and they would have to call out the fire department to get me down, hmmm that might be almost worth it to see some "eye candy" ha ha.  With my luck they would send out a dusty ole retired fireman, ha. 

Pumpkin Patches and Dairy Barns!

these 5 days off started with a BANG!  But it was a long weekend full of fun outings, good friends and GREAT times!  Thursday after my kids teacher conferences we jumped in the van with some friends and hit up Cheny's Dairy Barn in Bowling Green.  What a great time!  We did a corn maze, played on a play ground, got some free ice cream, and as an added bonus, as I was chatting up the manager he told us to drive down the road to where the cows are and see the baby calves that were just born.  So we did, and one of the farmhands came out and let the kids bottle feed the calves!  It was truly an amazing experience for them.  The the next day we went to a local pumpkin patch and got our pumpkins and had some more run petting animals and watching a pig race.  Then Friday afternoon I got some surprise visitors at my front door!  My good friend from Fort Jackson, SC came to say hello and spend the weekend here! 

Pink eye, smink eye

UGH.  I have PINK EYE!  it's horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.  Ok maybe that is not true but still it sucks.  I feel like a social periaha, ha!  I try to stay away from public best I can, but c'mon I can only be a hermite for so long.  don't worry I have my handy dandy purel with me at all times to make sure I do not pass on my illness.  When I first thought I had pink eye I thought to myself... "who farted on my pillow"?  but alas a couple people I asked this question to thought I was CRAZY.  But after further research, YES you can get pink eye from fecal matter, so great.  I have poop in my eye.  Seriously?  At this point I am not surprised, ha!  It actually makes sense with the direction my life has headed over this past month, at least I can laugh about it.  so yah.  Pink eye is gross, nasty and painful.  I hope if you've never had it you never get it.

Sometimes you gotta laugh.

One day I will sit down and write all the drama we have been living through this past month. 


But sometimes you just have to step back and laugh.  Laugh at the silliness of even the most dramatic circumstances.  A couple of my friends and I  have adopted a new "battle cry"  BAYONETS ATTACK!  At first the story behind this battle cry is silly, but actually when I sit down and think about it, it's SPEAKS volumes.  bayonets are old skool.  the Army has phased them out and many of the new Soldiers and Spouses aren't quite sure what they are, only us "old battle axes" are familiar with them.  And ATTACK reminds me of the spirit of a New Fresh Army Spouse, ready to ATTACK the Army life and jump in and "do her thing" taking no prisoners!  In my last post I talked about becoming numb to deployments and the ways of the Army and the best thing was to befriend a newbie/first timer.  It really puts things into perspective.  So that battle cry is more significant than originally though.   Speaking of battle cries, lets talk about Battle Buddies.  When Wayne was on the trail (drsgt) that was one of the MOST important factor of Basic Combat Training (BCT)  if a soldier did not have their battle buddy it would equal major trouble.  As an Army Wife we have our own Battle Buddies.  These are friends that stand by when times get rough and no matter what try and see the best of each other.  These battle buddies are amazing people and I you encounter many throughout your Military life.  The best advise I can give is hold these buddies close but also make sure you pay it forward and be someone elses Battle Buddy.